Teen Dating Violence: Do You Know the Signs?
Author: Jenna English
February is here, which means recognizing Teen Dating Violence Awareness & Prevention Month (TDVAM). Teen dating violence is a silent epidemic affecting our youth today, but educating one another is our greatest asset in creating more accepting, loving, and healthy communities for teens.
An unhealthy relationship can be seen as the norm for teens unfamiliar with dating precedents. An unhealthy relationship at a young age makes way for accepting abusive behavior. As adults, it is common to belittle teens' emotions, especially regarding a relationship we think will not last or doesn’t have as strong a foundation and purpose as an adult relationship. But many of these teenage woes are valid and expose problems within the relationship that are unique to teens.
Because of this uniqueness, there is a particular term for teens that experience abuse. “Teen Dating Violence (TDV)” refers to a pattern of harmful behavior designed to establish control and power over their teenage partner. This can affect anyone in their teens regardless of ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, faith, etc. Teen dating violence rates among the lesbian, gay, and bisexual communities are twice as high as those in the heterosexual community. In transgender youths, the rates are even higher. There are various forms of abuse, including physical, emotional, sexual, digital, and financial. Nearly 1 in 11 female and approximately 1 in 15 male high school students report having experienced physical dating violence in the last year. Physical abuse can include pushing, slapping, kicking, holding someone down, or breaking personal belongings. About 1 in 9 female and 1 in 36 male high school students report having experienced sexual dating violence in the last year. This includes unwanted kissing or touching, pressure to have sex, and demands to send explicit photos or videos. No one deserves to be abused in any way, but teen dating violence is an issue that often goes overlooked or unrecognized since many victims do not report their experiences due to fear or lack of knowledge of where to go.
Ashleigh Diserio and I were fortunate enough to attend a Teen Dating Violence training program presented by the Office for Women & Domestic Violence Services and the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse (JCADA). At the training, we were given a hypothetical situation involving a teenager in an abusive relationship. Within those scenarios, it was up to us to choose the teen’s reaction to each abusive situation. I enjoyed this activity because it showed that no teen dating violence case is the same. It also reaffirmed how everyone reacts to things differently, and without proper tools to escape and acknowledge the abuse, it becomes an unending cycle. The proper tools to combat abuse are not always accessible to teens. Barriers such as parents and age can obstruct the level of care needed for abuse victims.
One of the most significant ways to help a teen in a potentially abusive relationship is to be aware of the warning signs. In reality, it is hard to notice the warning signs because it is somewhat acceptable and a common belief that teens are moody and distant. The most apparent signs fall under the category of technological or digital abuse. Technological abuse can include:
Frequently looking at a partner's text messages, photos, and search history;
Constantly calling or texting a partner at all hours of the day and night;
Continual efforts to find out where their partner is and who they are with;
Tagging the partner in hurtful social media memes, posts, or pictures;
Blocking people on social media without their partner's permission; and
Telling their partner who they can be friends with on social media.
Warning signs that are not technologically related are things such as:
Extreme changes in weight or appearance;
Getting serious about the relationship too quickly;
Worried about how their partner will react to things they say or do;
Having to check in with their partner frequently;
Withdrawing from friends and family;
Continually apologizing for their partner's behavior or making excuses for them;
Decreased interest in activities they used to enjoy;
Casually mentioning their partner's violent behavior but laughing it off as a joke;
Unexplained injuries;
Defaulting all decisions to their partner; and
A change in grades or school involvement.
If you see any of these warning signs, DO NOT ignore them. Research has found that those who engage in teen dating violence escalate their abuse over time. It will get worse, not better.
In a survey of 500 teens and young adults, 57% percent waited six months or more before seeking help, while 40% hadn’t talked to anyone about abusive behavior in their relationship. In addition to noticing these behaviors, listening and being available if a teen approaches you and voices that they have been experiencing abuse is essential. We must provide a safe, non-judgmental space to discuss dating violence and healthy relationships. As adults, we can provide guidance and support on traditional ways of caring for each other and teach values of compassion, kindness, honor, and respect. In many cases, teen dating violence leads to domestic violence and the acceptance of that violence.
Lastly, before your child starts dating, discussing the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviors is vital.
Resources:
View Signs of Teen Dating Violence and Resources from TeenDVMonth.org.
Explore the 2021 Teen DVAM Action Guide by Love is Respect.
Diserio Consulting is a professional service firm that works with individuals and organizations, assisting them in gleaning insight into behavior. We provide services in life coaching, criminal investigations, management support, insider threat, victim advocacy, and training.